I, like millions of other people, just watched the Super Bowl where the Kansas City Chiefs beat the Philadelphia Eagles on a last second field goal. I watched as the players scored touchdowns, then run to the end zone with their team mates to do their scripted celebrations. They are really creative and fun to watch. But these men are a rare class of people who have the size, talent, strength, speed and skill to play the game of football at this elite level. We, who do not possess such attributes from the gene pool, enjoy watching them play. We celebrate our team when they win and commiserate when they lose.
But, for those of us who are not world class athletes, what events in our lives can we celebrate with the same intensity that they do? I can only think of two; the birth of a child and, of course, your wedding day.
I have been either an officiant, photographer or both in over 1000 weddings and elopements. I have done big weddings of up to 500 people in attendance and many elopements where it is only the couple who are present. I’ve seen the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of wedding celebrations. The Bad/Ugly: Bridezillas… Check! Mother of the Bridezillas… check! Grooms that were… unpleasant to say the least. Bridesmaids and groomsmen that acted very inapproriately. Yes, they exist. But so do the Good. The lovely people who make this industry such a joy because of their kindness, consideration, warmth and love. The ones who make everyone who’s with them relaxed and fully engaged with the happiness and joy of the moment.
Some people are planners. They want to know and plan every single detail of the day. Others just go with the flow. There is probably a point somewhere in between that is the right balance. I’ve have literally counseled people to refocus their expectations from thinking that every detail of their day has to be planned out and be perfect, to having the approach that perfection is never actually acheivable. A more important expectation is that no matter what happens, you should be present in the moment – enjoying every minute of the time you have set aside for this event – and actually celebrate! I’ve seen couples so stressed – this happens especially in larger weddings – that they break down and cry on their wedding day! Or, they spend so much energy on making sure that all of their attendees are taken care of, they are not able to enjoy the time that is supposedly dedicated to celebrate them.
Here’s a definition I learned a long time ago that is very helpful.
A PROBLEM is defined as when your EXPERIENCE does not match your EXPECTATION.
Emotional dissonance occurs whenever this happens to you. Many a divorce happens because couples cannot resolve the gulf between the expectations they have of their spouse and the experience they live with on a daily basis. But it is acutely amplified when it comes to weddings and elopements. If you build up in your mind lofty expectations of the “perfect” wedding, then any aspect that doesn’t go right may potentially ruin your day because your experience could not reach your level of expectation.
Am I saying you should lower your expectations? Not neccessarily. But, I do believe the goal of your wedding day should not be to have the “perfect wedding” but instead to have the “greatest and most enjoyable experience.” Literally to focus on being able to really ENJOY it. Be present and totally immersed in the moment. To laugh out loud. Dance like no one is watching. Celebrate like you’ve won the Super Bowl. So, have fun and spike the football!
My intent and goal for elopements and weddings is that every couple have a relaxed, simple, stress free, but very memorable experience. And in the end, I’m am hoping some couple will create some “endzone dances” for us to photograph and make videos of. If you have watched any professional football at all, you’ve seen all of the creative and crazy antics they do. Why not spend a little time with your fiance imagining and scripting your own endzone celebration? After all, you have made it to the goal line. You’ve scored, and it is time to celebrate!
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