At Simple I Do’s, we have a lot of couples who ask if they can write their own vows. We totally support and even encourage this. And it doesn’t matter if it is your first wedding, or your fourth or fifth time to tie the knot.You can and we believe you should write your own vows. My wife, Melanie, and I have been together for 36 years, and we wrote ours way back then. We still had the wedding officiant recite the traditional “I Do” promises, but we penned vows that were personal commitments of faith, trust and love to one another. We believe that you should write yours too, and here’s why
A vow is a personalized commitment based on your own knowledge of your true self, your values, beliefs, and character.
In truth, a vow comes from the heart. Think of this way, you are looking into your supposed-to-be-forever-partner’s eyes – you know the one you’ll share all the good times and bad with – and mumbling some words. Do you really believe and mean what you are saying? Are you really committed to do what you say no matter what? Are you really aware of the cost to keep commitments? Are you a person who can live with themselves if they break a promise?
That’s why it is important to write from your own heart what you are promising your partner. So ask yourself, “What am I promising to do, to not do, and more importantly, to be, and not to be?”
Your vows are a reflection of who and what you are as a person. They’re an expression of what you really believe about yourself and what you value in life. You’re essentially pronouncing to the world and your partner, “In this relationship, THIS is what I am willing to sign on the bottom line for.” If you are honest, that is a very weighty proposition.
So now that I’ve placed this massive burden on you, let me ease it up a little bit by giving you a simple process and steps to take to get this done.
First, take some time to be alone. Seriously reflect on yourself. Not on the other person. Your vows are not a promise based on what they do. These are your commitments, not theirs. They need come from your heart, values, and beliefs.
Second think about what you are willing to promise. Most vows are about being faithful at all times, supportive in good times and bad, encouragers of dreams, compassionate when trouble comes, and to celebrate successes. But some go further and promise to be good providers, eager listeners, patient lovers, and positive support teams. Some have to consider the additional responsibilities they immediately take on with a partner who brings children into the relationship and they make commitments on how they will love, treat and honor them as well. Bottom line: choose what is most important to you.
Third, never vow to something that you believe others – including your partner – are “expecting” you to do or to be. That is not genuine. Be yourself. This is a time for honesty. Not just with yourself, but with others as well. And you and your partner do not have to recite the same vows. At Simple I Do’s we encourage you to know what you are promising to, and to truly mean it.
Finally, once you’ve decided what you are wanting to promise your partner, it’s time to write it down. This is perhaps the most difficult part of all. Here at Simple I Do’s we know how intimidating this task can be for a lot of people. That’s why with all of our elopement packages, our officants will assist you in this process and in also creating your unique ceremony. We can send you a Pinterest board that we’ve created that has lots of wedding vows that we have found. Reading what others have written can help you write your own. And it’s not unusual for couples to pick and choose bits and pieces from several vows for their own.
In the end, make your vows express who you are. That’s being true to yourself and to your partner.
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